I don't know how someone can be so exhausted from doing nothing. It seems like my boyfriend and I have make excuses to go out and get tanked on pills... Tuesday night... high on pills, out till 4am. Then basically the rest of the week. I'm not sure how we make it home most nights. I tend to only remember the parts where i have force myself to snap out of letting the pills steal my soul. The part where you just feel like your sinking... and if you don't snap yourself out of it you would just melt away into the floor. I find that i have this problem mostly while driving home. No one seems to notice. i lie to myself that its not a problem and its not. I just wonder when I'm gonna think I'm sleeping and i really drive the car into a ditch? I always pictured myself dying in a car or plane crash. hmmm?
Saturday night i was in the bathroom, washing my face as this ugly NYC pigeon watched me sitting on top of the toilet, i briefly spoke to it, a quick " what are you looking at" and then i turned away... it seemed very normal. This is seconds before puking my brains out. Well not really it was more of a ... "just puke and keep it moving" kinda thing. My Bf must have been mortified when i got up off the ground took a shit and then alternated right back into puking... very classic and classy if i don't say so myself. Anyways, i think its kinda fun to add to my list of vivid hallucinations. This one was just as good as that time a saw a glowing neon blue Amanda lepore screaming at me. That was terrifying.
Halloween just passed and it was pretty uneventful. I'm not sure what constitutes a good time anymore cause i know, whatever time I'm having surely isn't. Was it more fun to be a drunk? Is that why everyone looks at me strange when all i do is order nonstop redbulls? I think they even secretly think to themselves "this place would be unbearable sober". There was a time Halloween was everything to me. Now it just seemed like a headache. This year i really wanted to hide behind a mask... i guess the bloody tank top was a bad idea...
anyways, On a regular basis... Random people tend to scream out "Jersey Shore" at me and my BF when ever we go out. Halloween was no different. Even dressed in bloody tank top and mask we were still called "jersey Shore" by some Stumpy fat little cunt as we left the bar. So stating the obvious I called her "snooki" and said "why don't you go spit out a few more kids with those fat child baring hips" which seemed to hit close to home since she ran up to me to spit in my face. But like any dumb bitch, she really didn't know how to spit and ended up basically spitting on herself.
My Boyfriend seeing this, sent him into a typically frenzy, which i never quite understand. I'm not sure after all this time together why he doesn't think i can handle myself from a little fat stumpy twat. Anyways he attempts to spit back at this bitch which makes me have to hold him back to avoid a drunken brawls from all the onlookers that might think "this guy just spit in that girls face, lets go fuck him up".
Granted i always welcome a fight but i know when the odds don't look right to walk away from a losing battle. Anyways as I'm hold my bf back, this is when "stumpy" see the opportunity to punch me in the back of my head 3 times... which is when all hell breaks loose.
My friends GF goes after "stumpy" and then is jumped by 4 of "stumpys" friends. My other friend is trying to help his GF by pulling girls off, when this (best way to describe him) "Diesel Washington" type punk throws my friends off the bitches beating on his girl. This when i stop holding my BF back and have to get in "Diesels" face who wants no part of the fight anymore since he had someone his size in his face.
Finally the cops come and thanks to a friend they were on my side for once. "Diesel Washington" disappeared into the crowd and typically in this situation i would be viewed as the bad guy. No clue why...
Thankfully I got to laughed to myself as the cop pretended that the fake blood on my face was part of the assault by "stumpy". She, of course is crying as they are considering arresting her saying to them and pleading to me not to press charges saying "but its my birthday". OOOOOOkay you dumb bitch.
I couldn't careless to waste anymore time on the whole thing and there was no way i going to the precinct to press charges.To many cops around me makes me uncomfortable. I just made a deal with the cops to waste her time, give her a summons, put her through the system and let her go in the typical 5 or 6 hours it takes for the to process the whole thing.
In Retrospect... its great i don't drink anymore or that bitch's face would look like Sloppy Joe and I'd be in jail again.
Oh, and it was nice to have a friend stick up for me... a girl, which i really don't have any of, and until this night, didn't think she cared enough for me to defend me... well let me say this... if I'm not to carefree and passive from being tanked on pills, i promise... i have your back.
Talk Shit...
Music worth listening to...
16 comments:
you always know how to make an exit huh? And c'mon dude, have a sense of humor. You and your b.f. totally look like "jersey shore" and why not have some fun with it?
Glad though that your peeps had your back! Try to lay off the pills and Red bulls though. Might make your blood pressure spike and give you a stroke.
You only look good drooling from your mouth when there is a big fat cock in it. Not so sure how that look would work if it was due to a Stroke.
Okay... now when is someone going to make a bad joke about how James always seems to get into the same "Situation" time and again?
Jersey Shore puns... I can't help myself.
That Amanda LePore thing might have been real, you know.....
Why do you have to be on anything, James? I thought the bf was helping you, not switching you from one thing to another.
It is boring being sober in a bar full of drunks-it makes you realize how stupid the scene is. Suddenly, it's unappetizing. Not such a bad thing...
i luvs ya bro.
love ya erik <3
erik i know u play farmvill on facebook so add me if u need any more neigbours
http://www.facebook.com/robbie.silver
no that doesnt mean everyone else add me too " just erik "
xxx love ya
On a regular day being called "jersey shore" would get really old, so I get that you're sick of it. However, half of the country was either Lady Gaga or a Jersey Shore character for Halloween. I was Kim Kardashian and people kept calling me Snooki. Since I was in drag haha, I didn't take any offense to it.
I hope the girl friend wasn't too messed up after getting jumped. That's so lame. I hate how girls tend to gang up.
Anyway, the real reason I left a comment was to say, "Really, puking and shitting at the same time is that big of a deal?" Ever sorority girl has done the same thing after drinking too much.
Wow, man, wouldn't flirt with death too often. Reading your blog is like reading "Less Than Zero." You seem to be in love with being somewhat miserable. Watch out driving late, or any other time, all doped up on pills. What are you so unamused by or upset about? You may be romancing your misery, which isn't a good thing. You probably don't pay attention or care about what other people write in here if you are like most talent, no matter what rung of the entertainment industry. I work around plenty to know. At any rate, maybe you should move into other areas as talent & that will spark new interests & make you feel better. Staying bored at a club & experiencing drunk dramas is obviously not working for you.
Kit Kats and Reeces Peanut Butter cups
I'm not sure on that Leon, but he can Kit my Kat and Pull down my Reese cup for some candy!!! I know I'd sample some of his too!!!!! Lol!
James, I don't know you. All we really know about is Erik Rhodes. This persona is at least part of James. Your posts over the past while have seemed increasingly despondent and lost. Even your playlist reflects this. You are not drinking as of your last post, but what is the good of that if you are simply abusing a different substance. Your posts read like someone who is close to flaming out. I have one suggestion as an alternative to taking a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I am talking as one who knows. You need to get out of porn. We will miss Erik Rhodes because he is such a huge fantasy, but James needs to take care of himself. You have all the skills you need to survive. If your boyfriend goes with you and really supports your change, all the better, but you need to get out. I would rather James live than Erik. So what if your life becomes so much more mundane! Mundane means you are not burning up from the inside out. It will give you time to sort out yourself then you can decide what you want. Maybe it will mean you meet your soulmate, marry him, and make babies through hook or by crook, OR not. Maybe you become a farmer or a rocket scientist. I do not know. I just know you need to reconnect with yourself or one day, all of us will read about Erik Rhodes the American Pornstar who was found dead. To borrow from the campaign for gay youth, it gets better, one step and one day at a time. I wish you well in your life.
I can help if you want it.
You are such a handsome man! I wish to meet you in reality! I would show you how hot can be a woman. B ut taking to account the distance between us, I can just offer you buying essays online
that's probably what I always called "a tonns of muscles". just look at him....real giant!!!
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I saw you today walking on 43rd street. You are really handsome in person. I,am not the type to bug celebs when they are out in public I think it's strange.
You are also surprisingly as tall as you say. I hope you find something to do with your life that you find fulfilling.
Ray
People keep telling you to lay off the pills. I don't agree. No one knows how you really feel about your life. I have aw
Hat is considered an amazing career for my age but every now and again I just want it all to go away. I play pill russian roulette and more often than not I am slightly disappointed when I wake up. Life is not for everyone.
I wanna pull a James Dean and die amazing looking in the publics mind.
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