You are the reason why I wanted to become a porn star and I was one of your biggest fans. I've seen all your movies. I hope that some day I can have the success you have had, I was in a hotel and i saw you in the movies you could purchase, I hope someday that will be me... jk fuckin prick! Luv the pic -Tony Vega
Honey, fuck the haters. There are always going to be people out there that feed off of others pain and by spreading their own misery. I'm not going to be one of those people that says the obligatory "it'll be ok", "it'll be better soon", and "just hang on". A few years ago my father, 6 yr old cousin, and my oldest brother all died within 11 months of each other. I was 25 at the time and had never dealt with anyone close to me dying. I've had low times before but that was the lowest I have ever been in my life. I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath for 2 years because the pain was so bad. I heard the above phrases so often it became like nails on a chalkboard. It got to the point where if people started to say it I just cut them off. I know I've rambled on and you're wondering where I'm going with this. Well I said all that to say this-- although my pain is not the same as yours I understand just being ok with going to sleep and never waking up. I've never shared that with anyone. Being locked into a constant state of an emotion that you can't seem to get past, no matter how much you want and try to. I was lucky in that I didn't have assholes mocking my pain when I tried to vent about it. I did have a few friends that I would talk to about it a little but such strong emotions and death make most so uncomfortable it was just easier to pretend that everything was fine. Which looking back wasn't really healthy either. The one friend I did kinda go in depth with about my emotions was the one I knew would never bullshit me and who would never say the above phrases. I'm not mocking the people that have said those things to me nor am I mocking the ones that have said it to you. I just think it's nice sometimes for someone to be really realistic about everything. So I say to you what I would say to anybody going through what you've described: I know it fucking sucks so bad right now. I know you can't see that light at the end of the tunnel. Will you come out on the other side of this stronger and for the better? Most likely. But who knows how long that will take. And I know that that thought is hard to hang on to in the day to day shittiness that you have to deal with. It may sound a little cheesy (or since this is over the internet, creepy) I'm sending a hug to you. A simple hug really can make a world of difference when you really need one. It's what I always did for my oldest brother and what I still do for my other brother. I pray that some peace does find you soon, honey.
-Amanda
P.S. To all the people who doubt and mock this mans pain, I wonder if you realize how irresponsible you're being? If you don't believe him, fine, that's your choice. But did it ever occur to you that if this is real (obviously I think it is) how you could be pushing someone who's already on the edge even closer to it if not over it? I hope you're real fucking proud of yourselves.
14 comments:
You're making necrophilia an attractive option.
You are the reason why I wanted to become a porn star and I was one of your biggest fans. I've seen all your movies. I hope that some day I can have the success you have had, I was in a hotel and i saw you in the movies you could purchase, I hope someday that will be me... jk fuckin prick! Luv the pic -Tony Vega
BITCH.
That is all I needed!
u wil always b my hero no matr wat
Maybe this means that the end of an era has come to your on camera porn career but your directing career in porn has just started.
Honey, fuck the haters. There are always going to be people out there that feed off of others pain and by spreading their own misery. I'm not going to be one of those people that says the obligatory "it'll be ok", "it'll be better soon", and "just hang on". A few years ago my father, 6 yr old cousin, and my oldest brother all died within 11 months of each other. I was 25 at the time and had never dealt with anyone close to me dying. I've had low times before but that was the lowest I have ever been in my life. I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath for 2 years because the pain was so bad. I heard the above phrases so often it became like nails on a chalkboard. It got to the point where if people started to say it I just cut them off. I know I've rambled on and you're wondering where I'm going with this. Well I said all that to say this-- although my pain is not the same as yours I understand just being ok with going to sleep and never waking up. I've never shared that with anyone. Being locked into a constant state of an emotion that you can't seem to get past, no matter how much you want and try to. I was lucky in that I didn't have assholes mocking my pain when I tried to vent about it. I did have a few friends that I would talk to about it a little but such strong emotions and death make most so uncomfortable it was just easier to pretend that everything was fine. Which looking back wasn't really healthy either. The one friend I did kinda go in depth with about my emotions was the one I knew would never bullshit me and who would never say the above phrases. I'm not mocking the people that have said those things to me nor am I mocking the ones that have said it to you. I just think it's nice sometimes for someone to be really realistic about everything. So I say to you what I would say to anybody going through what you've described: I know it fucking sucks so bad right now. I know you can't see that light at the end of the tunnel. Will you come out on the other side of this stronger and for the better? Most likely. But who knows how long that will take. And I know that that thought is hard to hang on to in the day to day shittiness that you have to deal with. It may sound a little cheesy (or since this is over the internet, creepy) I'm sending a hug to you. A simple hug really can make a world of difference when you really need one. It's what I always did for my oldest brother and what I still do for my other brother. I pray that some peace does find you soon, honey.
-Amanda
P.S. To all the people who doubt and mock this mans pain, I wonder if you realize how irresponsible you're being? If you don't believe him, fine, that's your choice. But did it ever occur to you that if this is real (obviously I think it is) how you could be pushing someone who's already on the edge even closer to it if not over it? I hope you're real fucking proud of yourselves.
來打聲招呼-大家好!!!............................................................
來打聲招呼-大家好!!!............................................................
Please no! Even dead, HOT
I cannot put into words how much I admire u ,, thank u for everything and I will not give up until I talk with u :)
I have u on facebook and here, two ways from where I can disturb u! haha
lots of kisses. : ) : )
i loved the best best best
nonono, i don't want you to be dead... no way
I Just love your scene with Leo
sure that after that he will stay a beauty anyway!! nothing can change him!!
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