You know on a regular day to day basis, i'm always confused and trying to make sense of this life, my future, my relationship, but today is something i have never experienced... its been painful, its upsetting, its depressing, it basically has me sitting here without a clue of what to do. And if i do something, whats the point... now that everything is completely different.
I sware i'm being strong, but i feel all alone. Everything is once again my fault. I almost feel that i have no right to dry my eyes, i feel that everyone should see this pain, and hopefully believe my remorse. I'm so ashamed, its almost worth just giving up over.
Before picking up the computer and spilling these thoughts out of my head i just sat there... with 2 simple questions and one despreate plea going through my head, "How did i get here?', "Whats happens now? and "Please, please, if there is a god in the sky, please make this a terrible dream". Shockingly, no responce, no sign, no guiding light. If my boyfriend didnt know me as well as he does and had hid all the perscription candies i would have made my own guiding light right about now. Thanksfully valium has me pretty evened out.
Hold your breath and count to ten, then fall apart, then start again.