So I'm sick as fuck.
I been over working my body as of recently so I'm not to surprised recent fever, but it fucking sucks. I've been 103 for the last 2 days and it feel like my brain is melting in my head. My whole body is sore and every time i cough it feels like someone is kicking me in the head.
Honestly I'm surprised i have been sick for this long. I'm to strong for this. Anyways I'm upset, over the weight I'm losing due to the fact i can barely hold down a meal. I've run out of protein mix and i honestly don't have the strength to walk down to the corner and pick some up.
This always happens also, i bust my ass to get my weight up, only to get sick, lose the weight and struggle to put it back on. Sometimes i wished i didn't care.
Thankfully my ex Danny has been taking care of me. Nothing is worse than being sick all alone. He has honestly been so good to me, and i love him so much for it. Yeah, i might be the big strong tough guy but sometimes i need to be babied. It lets me know that at least someone cares. God its nice to know someone cares.
PS. Save the HIV asumptions and Danny comments to yourself. You guys are so predictable.
Shit worth listeing to...
59 comments:
I'll bring you protein mix, or muscle milk, just tell me what brand - and since you already told me where you live, just call me...
James,
I'd thought your last post was your swan song. I'm glad I kept your link in my favorites folder and decided to click and see if there was anything new. Wasn't really expecting to see any more and I am glad you're still posting even though you're not feeling well. My best to you and wish you good health soon.
Hi James -
I'm glad to see you're still posting, but sorry to hear you're not feeling well. Anyhow, I'm glad you have someone there to give you a hand.
Fell better soon!
Yeah yeah we're predictable.
Actually none of that had occurred to me, and I had never heard of you before the other day when I ran across your weblog through a linked blog.
Sorry, just being honest.
But man, when you present yourself as someone spiraling down and comparing yourself to someone who committed suicide, a lot of people are going to reach out to you. It's like Thanksgiving, it's just going to happen.
I don't get into the gay thing either. I hate it. And if you were sitting here in front of me it would never occur to me to date you. I might want to fuck you, but frankly sex is boring.
Still, for whatever reason, I don't want you to spiral down. I'd rather see you find life. So, I hope you get well, and that you do find life giving things to spend your time in.
feel better
tylenol severe cold
Hope you feel better! :D
get.ur.shit,together.
There is nothing else I can do but wish you get better soon. and thank danny to be there to give you the help you need.
Best wishes kiddo. let me know when you will feel better and You are looking great whatever shape you are, that is yhe last thing you should worry about.
A big hug, Bruno
You seem like a really interesting person, it's a shame more people can't get to know you. You seem like you'd be an incredibly loyal friend, despite your demons.
...or perhaps because of them.
does this mean you're not gonna quit blogging? cause ive been in denial about it and if you were to change your mind that would be great.
I thought you'd stop blogging, but somehow I'm still glad that you are. I have been struck with Strep throat and had 102 fever for two days. Get something truly nutritious, rest and get more water. You'll have the rest of your life to bulk up, right now just focus on getting well. chicken noodle soup would be a lot better than protein mix.
James,
Here's a few tips to help your stomach: have Danny get you some extra virgin coconut oil and unflavored gelatin. The coconut oil is a powerful antimicrobial agent; and the unflavored gelatin, stirred slowly into herbal tea (a few times a day), will draw the poisons out of your system. Another immune syatem booster is a supplement called Beta Glucan. It's cheap, available at a health food store. Good luck
Feel better. It just flat out sucks being sick.
Get well soon!
ouch, look at this, he must have been sick too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6HyZBGdD66I
the honesty of your blogging is fucking blowing me away. i didn't expect this, which is cool.
a couple of years ago i was a mess, but...no booze or drugs for two years now and things are much better.
i got to the point where i didn't care if i died. now, i'm afraid of dying because life is good.
feel better.
Feel better soon, James. Glad that Danny is there to take care of you -- you're absolutely right, sometimes it's good to be taken care of. Yes, there are people who care about you, it's just a matter of letting them.
Hope you are getting the rest your body needs to recoop!
i wish i struggled with putting weight on. i just look at a box of pop tarts and gain three pounds :)
Drink lots of fluids, keep off the solids, chicken soup or any kind of soup would be good. Try tylenol for fevers, and take a cold bath or shower to cool off your body. You have to keep your temperature down, so the cold bath may be uncomfortable, but it's necessary. And some people think you should cover under a warm blanket, don't. You body has to be kept cool to turn on the a/c and just cover with a light top sheet, and if your temperature continues to rise, please go and see a doctor, or get to the emergency room ASAP, if your temperature gets to 105 or more, it could cause serious damage. Get well soon.
Hopefully you're getting as much sleep as possible. It will do your body wonders.
just stop whining and let me fuck you. =P
i'm really surpised about the comments and how nice people are when you essentially put the dickhead persona on for the camera and blogosphere. - which, I doubt it an honest persona - I've met you twice briefly and you weren't an ass either time. you just want to be thought of as one. you've got something inside there.
yeah, cut the cord with the ex. better some random comment writer cover your ass this time than a dude you can't shake.
aren't you ready to spiral up yet? Let's get on that, eh?
You're the one that's predictable. And you haven't emailed me yet.
And don't say I'm only thinking of myself while you're sick, because you're always sick...
I wasn't thinking HIV because you take so many fucking drugs you put in your system. What'd you expect? On the bright side, if you did get the "bug"(which is unfortunately only what nice, unpromiscuous people, whose partners lie to them get, ironically)then you'd have a reason to pump yourself with drugs, until you numb the feeling.
You should stop being an ass, stop be a typical man, and just stay with Danny. It's so selfish of you to only need him when you're incapable of taking care of yourself.
I'm a perfect stranger, but wish you well all the same.
Yes, far too many people jump to the HIV conclusion whenever a gay or bi guy is sick. I doubt if that'll change anytime soon.
Sounds like spartanbuff300 gave some good advice, though.
Get well soon.
Get well soon.
ps. no I don't even think it's HIV, just a bad flu.
Are you going to QB for the Jets? You Favre quit this blog, and then return. Welcome back.
It sounds like when James quits having to be Erik, you believe others won't care.
What makes you a great blogger and writer is your ability to be so fucking bare bones honest. I can understand that you might want to gain some privacy after basically showing the world everything.
Can you understand that you have a rare ability to write about all the shit that other guys do and go through?
I'm a huge pussy when I get sick. And, I hate to admit, but I have drafted people into nursing me... And then I have to deal with all the co-dependent bullshit once I feel better. Men are just grown up conniving boys, I think.
Hope you feel better. It sucks watching all that hard work in the gym melt away, but at least you will be ripped when you get to feeling better.
Hang tough
my comments, your body needs this period to fast and relax and kick all the fucking junking you put into it out. eat of these fevers u have and these sicknesses are your body coping and working to get you healthy.
unless its withdrawl if you were using heavy..
ps.. you can shear off the tiny areas and rebuild them by fasting. i can fast up to 3-4 days sometimes and then eat healthy for a few days and bam.. i'm better than beautiful
either way *hugs*, get better. this is the perfect time to start your new 'challenge' of being super healthy..
don't die dude.
stop being sick. us aquarius' are too strong to stay sick. you'll be better by like tomorrow or friday.
and i'm sure more people care than you think.
^_^
James,
Being sick sucks and I agree it is the worst being sick alone. Get some rest, drink lots of fluids especially ones with electrolytes and eat when you can...you'll be fine. Take care and get better.
-Kevin
James,
Sorry to hear that you are sick. That sucks. The thing is you look 1000 times better than me when you are sick and I am really healthy. I can tell you how to put the pounds on...I have no problem with that. I'm glad to see that you are blogging again. I love your posts and I love some of the "blog returns" You are a survivor and I am enjoying the movie of your life playing for us in real time. We all make mistakes and wrong moves, but we move on. I live through you vicariuosly. I am a retired teacher living in Ohio and your NYC, porn star, escort, and gorgeous body life is a real turn on. This is an epic movie and I know that it is going to last for a very long time. You are awesome! Please continue to piss people off. I love that! Take care....Tommy
Well i dont even know what day this is but i'm still fucking sick. My fever has kinda let up, but i'm really weak and my body is covered in something that looks like chicken poxs. I have been calling myself the Toxic Avenger. In place of the fever, i have an extremely bad sore throat and since i was OD'ing on advil to keep my fever down, i think i gave myself a pretty bad ulcer since it feel like i'm being stabbed in the stomach everytime i try to even drink water. i'm so over this.
James,
I'm really sorry that you're not feeling better, and my offer still stands; if you want me to take you to the hospital, just text me "sos", and I'll take you anytime today.
For your sore throat, drink a lot of grapefruit juice (pure grape fruit), it really helps, buy a carton and try to finish it throughout the day. I was just thinking that this flu might be a result of your tattoo, maybe the needles the artist used weren't brand new or properly cleaned, which could cause a flu and an allergic reaction which explains the spots on your skin. Maybe you should go to a doctor. Feel Better
Since the symptoms have lasted so long, it would be a great idea to see a doctor. I know that sounds dumb, but I don't like the idea of a pox on your skin.
I apologize if you've already been to the doctor. Feel better, okay?
Go to a doctor.
Can you see a doctor?
http://symptoms.webmd.com/symptomchecker
I entered your symptons and fer sure chicken pox meets the criteria. I had these in my twenties and it was cold / flu symptons followed by one pock that quickly turned into lots and then the itching began.
I took a lot of baths in epson salts to help with the itching.
Just read your post about your symptoms. About 10 years ago, I was in a public pool (the Raven in New Hope to be exact)....came home....the next day had a 104 fever and ended up with the chicken pox looking skin rash. I was in the hospital with it and they tested me for everything...nothing came back conclusive. I was put on heavy antibiotics (which you need) and it cleared up in a matter of a day or so. I also had it this summer (not to the extent as 10 years ago was) after coming back from Provincetown. It's something to do with being in a pool with others on hot days when the clorine doesn't do the job well enough. See a doctor and get on the anitbiotics! FEEL BETTER. Roger
I would never go the cheap or low route like some guys and mention hiv or make a comment about your ex.
Glad he is there for your when your sick, someone ought to be.
Hope you feel better.
Hi, James, If you are still sick will you please stop being stubborn and go to see a doctor?
Atibiotics are what you need and chicken soup, why not?
From what you describe it looks like you have got some kind of intoxication not just a flu. I hope Danny will convince you to have some sense and seek professional help.
I can just wish you get better soon and send you a hug, bruno
I´m really sorry to listen that you are sick . . . but fortunately you have someone to take care of you .
We will be praying for your quick recovery
Hi Erik,
Good to read your post. This really is a good outlet.
Take care of yourself, eat healthy and do not feel sick. SOmetimes it is psychological. Get well soon, i know you will recover from whatever illness you fell.
Just keep on dreaming, hoping, living and loving.
Take care.
Bjoern from Manila, The Philippines
jay_win_05@yahoo.com
Hi Erik,
Good to read your post. This really is a good outlet.
Take care of yourself, eat healthy and do not feel sick. SOmetimes it is psychological. Get well soon, i know you will recover from whatever illness you fell.
Just keep on dreaming, hoping, living and loving.
Take care.
Bjoern from Manila, The Philippines
jay_win_05@yahoo.com
Hey, James, I'm a doctor. You can call me if you want me to see your rash, I'm in the east 20s. By the way, have you ever had chicken pox before? If so, you usually only get it once in your life.
Erik.,
you are my favourite ALWAYS - get well.,
greetings from so far away Slovakia ( Europe) ( Bel-Ami studio native country ! )
hugs
david
James,
Had the same thing for a three wks.Could'nt figure out what was the problem. I'm in good health and never get sick Do you wear gym gloves? Why I ask,is. Everytime I wore them I got sick wt the flue like symptoms. Got a new pair,no flue. The germ bug was on the gloves. Must of picked it up at the gym. Hope this helps!
James.......
Hopefully by today you are feeling better. 3600mg is the max dose on advil. If your stomach isn't feeling well and you still have a fever, or headache, switch to Tylenol. This will help with the pain , and fever but won't upset your stomach.
If you are coughing try Mucinex.
If there is congestion in your chest try plain Mucinex with plenty of water. This is an expectorant and will help you hawk up phlegm. If you are coughing your brains out and your chest is congested. Try Delsym. It's liquid, there is no alcohol in it, and it works for 12 hours.
I read a bunch of these blogs and it must be weird having so many people commenting on your life.
If Danny is willing to help you with no strings attached, then everyone can shut the fuck up.
It's better to have someone help you when you need it.
I'm a pharmacist , so I hope my suggestions help.
Peace!
Erik I'm a freelance journalist with a couple of major gay magazines in Ausralia and the UK. I'd like to contact you with a view to interviewing you for publication in one of the mags. If you're at all interested, please contact me at markadnum@gmail.com and we'll talk further.
Hey boy, hope you feel better. Thanks for the comment on my blog, too. That fisting scene was hot as fuck . . . come to Stallion and break me in as a fisting bottom on screen :-) xoxoxo
i'm really sick too... it does suck. I think it's going around my job. Urgh! I feel like shyt. I wish i had someone to take care of me =\ ur lucky.
We have the same DOB. What time were you born? Me, Feb 8th 1982 at 9:18 am.
Life is funny sometimes. You get sick out of nowhere and left wondering why. But it may be tough but you have to keep a positive attitude eat right and all that medical blahblahblah. but it's very good to hear that someone is there to help things easier. It's a personal philosophy that no one, no matter how wicked, shouldn't suffer alone. It's even better to hear it's someone close. I would say I'm here to help...but that's an impossibility. I'm just an anonymous paragraph in cyber space. But I can hope you get better. So...just get better soon sir.
Vitamin C, vitamin C vitamin c and probiotics (preferrably with Lacotbacillus Sporogenes).
Get better.
No bitchy comments about Danny here (I don't know him), only for you. I think most of us are just thinking, "I really hope I don't read in his next blog how he and Danny are back together."
Then again, I guess saying that makes me a bitchy fag (in my own mind, not your mind).
dude just keep blogging. Whether its an up or down day- dont censor it. I like reading it and it always feels good for write.
SOUNDS LIKE U NEED TO TAKE A GOOD SHIT!
THEN AGAIN U BEEN FUCKED SOO MUCH . U PROB NEED an ennema SINCE U CAN't CONTROL UR SHIT HOLE
not having ever seen one of your videos i am unable to comment on that side of your life. but your blog is damn sight more interesting than most of the other porn star ones (save for Steve Cruz who at least has a sense of the ridiculousness of it all) who seem to be on some kind of love-in trip.
Eric -
What did you want to be when you were 14? I hugely doubt it was a pornstar... so tell me what it was.
I read you blogs for the first time yesterday and wanted to say to you if you dont like your life, career, friends or situation - you need to change it. Only you have that power and you certainly can walk away.
I know you body (literally) of work, and I must say that even in that there has been a noticable change.
So often as gay men, we get caught up on the physical rather than the emotional health of ourselves. We try and try to look beatiful on the outside when on the inside we are crumbling apart.
I know this is happening to you and you certainly need to seek some sort of help, before you do something stupid and reckless.
I dont think you want to be remembered as just gay pornstar who died before he was 30. How cliche.
This is your life. You need to make the most of it, b/c its the only one you get. today is a new day and you can start anew.
who says you have to stay in porn? no one.
You can always leave CA and start over somewhere else. Right? Leave that world behind and take care of yourself inside. Heal.
Stop whining - grow up and make a choice.
All the best,
Patrick
james james james. you are a hooker yourself. you are a sociopath. you manipulate people so they feel sorry for you and think...oh this roid head want to make me feel like a lady...hes a fucking fisting bottom fyi---unless youre paying him...and then you try to ruin them......and usually do......james wants to be seen and noticed....just ignore this toxic peice of shit. you are a sociopath. from the moment you told me you get hard ons when someone cries in front of you. or when you were fucked on fire island bareback by 16 people on crystal meth. are someone who admitted to having anal sex with over 1,500 people by the age of 24.. you are in fact inhuman and not in a cool death metal trent reznor way. stay away from this fucked up loser and look up the term "sociopath" you will know all you need to know about this SOCIOPATH- james / erik..it all co
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