So I am finally an award winning porn star.
Well it was The Grabby Awards in Chicago last night and i finally won, not one, but two awards. I was shocked. I won Best Versatile Performer and Best Actor.
The Best Vers. Performer, i can understand, cause i can give it as well as i can take it, so kudos to me for that one, cause my competition was pretty strong. And to anyone that was there and took offence my speech...it was a joke, i don't think I'm better than anyone, hence me being so shocked.
As far as Best Actor... well i just think its silly. I am the worse actor EVER!. I am the definition of bad porn acting. Although, i have yet to see Ivy League (the movie i was nominated for, i think...) maybe, its better than my other stuff? Maybe the people who choose winners are just big fans of bad acting like, you know how gays love the movie "Showgirls". Well same difference here. Who knows, possible they watched the movie on LSD, shrooms or some other mind altering drugs.
Oh Well,Fuck it, I'll take it with pride. Cause shit, who knows when I'm going to get another.
Thanks again to much to Stacey, Mark and all of Gay Chicago!
Anyways, I'm home already and I'm happy to be. I could only take playing that happy porn star bit for so long. I mean, yes i was happy to win, but Jesus, nonstop pictures and attention, its just not me. After the awards I didn't even go out and celebrate. Crazy Right? I went back to my hotel room after the awards to change and it was like i was scared to go back out. I sat on my bed trying to reason why i needed to go back out, but i just couldn't. I didn't wanna do drugs, i didn't want to have sex and i, sure as fuck didn't wanna see anymore porn stars. Not exactly how i planned it in my head but stranger things have happened.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
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52 comments:
CONGRATULATION Erik! You deserve it ^_^
Congratulations on the awardS.
Have a good extended holiday weekend...it sounds like it has been a great one so far.
Congratulations. IMO you've deserved to win all along.
Congrats, James! It's always impressive to see that a little change in your emotional space can allow good things to start flowing into your life. Even though you're ready to get out of the porn industry, it's great to start getting a little validation.
Congrats on receiving some well-deserved 'official' recognition through your 2 awards. Best wishes for the balance of the holiday!
CONGRATULATIONS; You deserve both awards. And the one you deserve the most is for Best Actor. In Ivy League You ARE the young Fraternity master, clothes off or, especially ON.
And I am happy for you that you kept away from drugs and alcohol.
So, stop putting yourself down and always looking at a half glass as Half empty, It is actually half full.
I am sure we will see you again next year nominated for Fleet week.
Anyway, james, CONGRATULATIONS again.
Congrats!
We must not be watching the same movies, because I've thought your acting in them has always been pretty good.
I figured it would be for "The Farmer's Son" though - you had a lot of lines there!!!
eh. it's probably good that you didn't celebrate. afterall, you've been pretty realistic about how political it is and then you kinda jokingly said previously that you schmoozed yourself into good standing for the grabbys after the gayvns parties (or whatever that acronym is). It would have made it seem fake, self-engineered, and totally ruin the moment. Of course, I'm a bastard and an ass for enabling your habit of self-doubt by bringing this up, so I'm going to say that you probably really deserve the award. May sound disingenuous seeing as how I've never seen you in a movie and only have seen you in the spread of unzipped, but from what I've read, you deserved the accolades. And it's a special bonus for me that you got it since it's backed up by the strength of character (blemishes and all) that I admire. "A life unexamined is not worth living", right?
Congratulations! I echo the sentiment that The Farmer's Son behind the scenes...you were true talent then. a natural.
A big Congratulations James. That's awesome!
Perhaps now it's time to change the title of your blog. "Slipping Away" is such a negative title. It's like a weight around your neck. It's bad for your psyche too - you have to live up to it. After reading your blog for a few months I see you're starting to think and be, more positive. You're growing. Time for a more upbeat title. You agree?
Continue to concentrate and focus your thoughts only on the good stuff. Think about where you want to be in 6 months or a year from now. Set achievable goals for yourself and make them happen. You're young. You live in one of the most exciting cities in the world. Fuck!!! You can do anything! All the very best.
D
hey erik - really happy about your award. i have reading your blog for quite some time now. I also have a blog which I recently started. I wanna ask you if I can mention you on my blog. The link is www.apopulardudessecretlife.blogspot.com. So let me know if I can. And if you have sometime - please read too. You also did well by not going out that night. Just keep up the good work.
I haven't watched Fleet Week, but Ivy League and Overtime are on par compared to your previous movies.
Congrats :)
I'm just glad you're home, safe and sound- and think that winning those awards signals a turning point for you - and always keep in your mind, the law of attraction
Wishing you only great things.
have you ever heard of Celldweller? I think you might really like him (if you haven't heard of him already)
Congratulations on the awards. I'm too poor to afford moving porn, so I'll have to take the voters' word for it, but you sure are good at takin' the dick!
Joking aside, I thought you were getting out of the business. Did I miss something?
I would be remiss in not offering my congratulations as well; an award was so important to you. What an interesting response you had to it.
So now what James?
Secret Blogger: sure
CONGRATULATIONS!!!
You made it to the top and bottom!
I saw the Ivy league and you definitly deserve those awards.
Love ya!
Congratulations again babe! Talk about bad acting, I've seen you and you're not that bad. There are plenty more porn actors out there worse, much worse than you. So be proud.
I don't think everybody out there set out to be stars. It's overwhelming to get all the attention and people suddenly seems a whole lot friendlier for no reason. Or you think they are being nice to you not because of who you really are, but for what you represent to them. But I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing. You have a great exterior and people are definitely drawn to it, you just have to give them time and open up to see the real you and I'm sure they'll appreciate that as well. Be confident.
Party, schmarty, right? Don't feel bad that you need some alone time or need to get away from those other people. I think it's smart for you to stay behind. You're thinking straight and gaining self control. It's a good thing.
Take care of yourself, babe.
CONGRATS to a dynamite hunka guy.
you make me want to watch one of your flicks, but i never watch porn... so i guess i'll just have to imagine what an excellent tough chunk of bttm-guy you can be.
Hi Erick,, just breath... you are in a fase... looking inside your soul... the answers coming soon...
James,
As I told you, you deserved the awards, and I had it confirmed last night.
While the GayVNs are definitely political, the Grabbys are not. I had dinner last night with Stacy, the co-producer of the Grabbys and he explained the nomination and election process to us. The nominees go through a multiple step winnowing process before the final 5 are selected, and then they are voted on by critics and judges who have no connection with the industry. James, you EARNED those awards, they weren't just given to you "because it was his turn".
Congratulations!!! you really deserve that
I really do...you're one of the best!!!
sorry about the first koment
I'm such an idiot what I wanted to say it was that I really do think you deserve the award...sorry about that :(
Congrats! Kepp the good work! :)
Congratulations on the awards James!! And, as an actor, let me just reassure you there are worse actors in gay porn than you. (Roman Heart, as enamored as I am with him, should never get that award. :P)
I'm also proud of you for not going out and celebrating with the drugs and stuff!
maybe it's time to stop making porn. You'll see the people who are worth while if they stick around and take an active interest in your well being.
All this false praise from people on this blog... from those who don't know you personally and are fans of your work in porn. The reality is that they wouldn't care if you live or died. Some would even write you off as a stereotype if you did croak.
I think your attempts to share your real name as well divulging your personal problems is a way of combating this. People will still see you as an object regardless these attempts.
From the fans that treat you like a dildo - whom, as you put it, "no one listens", to the grief for making porn from others whom despise it, and your general lack of satisfaction from what it used to be - maybe it's time to leave.
End on a high note? You won some award for your work. Quit while your ahead or while you have some sanity left. A hard lifestyle like yours can take its toll, which you are aware, professionally and especially personally which is the worst of the two.
Congrats Erik! I love your blog...reminds me of mine. I know how you feel...believe me. I'm slowly still crawling out of my own grave and trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep up the good work...it's a tough battle but you can win. You should read mine if you ever get the chance and know you're not alone.
I am nothing but dumpster trash. ;-)
Had fun with you this weekend.
I wrote about you in my "Diary" and "News Desk".
jasoncurious.com/desk/
jasoncurious.com/diary/
I never been having that much attention as you do but I can't even emagin putting myself in your shoe. I myself always hungry for quiet and private life so being so popular like you tend to loose that space of your own.
I met many movie stars in LA but I never come over their table or walk to them to approach for anything. I just leave them alone so they can enjoy their evening.
I can understand why you want to have a moment of your own, sometime its good to go back to your own space and appreciate that moment for awhile, that's the time to balance yourself and its completely healthy.
I am glad you home safely and take good care yourself.
Congrats!!!
toxicinla.blogspot.com
Rock on, man!
Congratulations, you deserve it.
Hi James -
My apologies for the delayed reply to your most recent post, but getting ready to move is taking up a lot of time...
Anyhow, if you feel a sense of pride in the awards, then that's great - I'm happy for you. Leaving the industry or staying in, the acknowledgment is always good for the ego.
As for staying in afterwards, that's a good thing, too. I'm happy to hear you stayed true to yourself - if you didn't want to do drugs, have sex, or see more porn stars, then why go out?
One thing about the feeling of being scared: Something that some people suffering from depression have to learn is to distinguish between actual feelings of fear, and a strong gut instinct of hesitation, which can occasionally be interpreted as fear. The important thing about the latter option is that it's a message from your body/subconscious/whatever to avoid something, and those messages should be listened to. Fear, on the other hand, does not necessarily imply the gut instinct warning that the hesitation does.
I know this difference is something I had to learn, though not everyone with depression will need to. I'm not saying that this is the case with you - I don't know you, after all. But, it's just a possibility that I'm tossing out there...
Anyhow, although it might not turn out as you had planned it, it sounds as though the weekend turned out in the best way possible for you. Congratulations!
Stay strong, and have a great day!
Congrats on your two wins, but I'd have to disagree on the tie with Jason Ridge. He seems to be a bit full of himself, and his own produced films aren't anything revolutionary.
Very well deserved and very long overdue... though it still PAINS me that you were robbed for "Velvet Mafia" and especially "Cross Country"
i gotta tell you, the days are much more enjoyable now that i'm clean and sober.
hows it going for you? prolly wont check back to read the comment reply but cheers,
G
Hey Erik, I too have been reading your blog for awhile now and I finally want to write to you. I don't know you really; I've never seen a porn you were in, since I dont watch porn all too often and when i do its using a site like xtube or some shit like that. I know its your livelyhood but I rather see amateur shit anyway. I heard about your website in a magazine my buddy had at his house. It was an issue of Unzipped I believe. Anyway, you were on the cover and I immediately recognized you as someone I MAY have met before. Not sure, man. I was born and raised in NYC but left there in 1999 for Vermont where I'm currently living.
Anyway, I saw your pic and read the article about your blog and after reading it myself I find that I can relate to the way you feel SOMEWHAT.
I moved from NYC during my heyday of sex, clubbing, and TINA. Besides all the K I would deal and do myself, Crystal was my big mess and after meeting a really cool guy there in NYC, we both decided to get out before my shit got worse. Blah, blah, blah...we moved, I felt insecure, I yelled, we fought, we broke up and now for the past 6 years I've been by myself learning to enjoy life and learning to love myself as much as I can. I see that this is something you're struggling with.
Well, again, I dont know you but I do know by reading your blog that you care. You have heart. And a very big heart.
I gotta say, while I thought you were kinda attractive, the heart you show makes you fucking hot!
Either way, man. You're doing well and I'm happy that you're sharing yourself with so many people. Good luck with all your shit. You're good people. And congrats on those awards.
Congrats on the awards man. I'm really happy for you! Your article in Unzipped is really good. Be safe and take care.
-Dan
hi! congratulations... i really admire your deepness and honesty. you are such a brave buddy and you manage to overcome all extremes of odds in your life. I hope i will a have a heart like yours. strong and compassionate. i enjoy reading your blog. i always check it everyday and have the chance to pick some things worth learning from. i do hope you will post more of your struggles-to-success stories. you may feel that you are at your lowest point today but always remember that many people clings from your inspiring stories. please hold on.
Congratulations, dude. Don't let these people stress you out, just do what you have to do. Stay strong.
xorbos @ 1:56 PM yoozed hookd on foniks!
How can you be happy to win an award for essentially being a whore?
Question: Why do gay men not like guys with baggage, but muscular guys have more baggage, and more sex, than normal gays?
They should call it the baggy awards. Are you really that obsessed with yourself, or did you really want that stupid award?
Wouldn't it have been better to win...uhhh...I don't know...a NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. There's your answer Erik!
That is, in a nutshell...the whole of your issues.
Congrats Erik
You did good.
You star in films,you bring joy and sexy thoughts to adoring fans.
Take it for what it's worth
Here's a hug from a friend unknown.
Hugs
You're so incredible. I love reading your beautifully written blog. I think your mind is fascinating...
All the best to you always!!!!!
Bravo man!
I'm real happy for you, Erik.
May this be only the beginning of a long series of awards.
Much love,
Erick
^_^ Congrats!
CONGRATULATIONS.
YES, YOU ARE THE HOTTEST BAD PORN ACTOR EVER.
BIG HUG
I like your "normality" phases when you just want to be a good boy (read "marriage material") and get away from all this petty superficial depressing crap. It takes strength because being good-looking gives us all this easy and shallow attention. It's sooo easy to fuck, it's sooo easy to have people tell compliments all day... I don't like easy.
Fuck man!
Id like nothing better then to see that fucking cracked out host to get a punch in the face for being such a fucking weirdo. I'm surprised to see that you just answered his questions and did what he asked despite the fact that hes a huge fucking retard. If i was you i would have just fucking walked away and ignored his fucked up ass.
Congratulations Sweet Boy, on your Awards, but more so on your not going out to party, or fuck... goddess, that is such a weird statement... Especially when it's been a while, but this is your blog not mine... LOL... Anyway, just finished May... I like the fact that you are spending more time with yourself... It seems to me, and like I said earlier, take this with a grain of salt... you seem to have your manic times, when you put on the different masks you feel you have to wear... seemingly when you are "being" so much to other people, and not just "being" you... For you... It's okay to be selfish with yourself, and time, and try not to feel to guilty about it... ;) You should be PROUD of yourself... You really are stronger than you know...
Love from Atlanta
I am the worse actor EVER!. I am the definition of bad porn acting.
No, you're not.
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