So i have somethings coming up...
I will be in Chicago for the Grabby's which i think is on the 24th. For you that don't know what the Grabby' are it is a gay porn award ceremony. I'm not sure how many Garbby's I have been up for in the past, all I do know is that i've lost everytime. As far as both award cemeomonies go, i'm a big fat goose egg and nine. Its actually funny, everytime i go to one of these things, i get swept away in what everyone else says, "oh your a shoe in, to win". I don't believe it but kinda gets stuck in my head, and then when the results are read, and i lose, I get fucking pissed, like what is wrong with me. Its silly actually... did i not fuck hard enough? did i not cum enough? do i not get vocal enough when i'm getting pounded out? am i not a good enough performer.
Yes, porn has me worn out, but just like anything you do in life you kinda want whatever you do to be the best. Its no different here. (i can see all the post now about me complaining about this... please save it).
Its even got to the point where i have begun to rationalize the whole situation differently to make myself feel better. LOL. I say, Well its okay to lose. Why? Becasue all the guys that have won early in there career have already hit there high note, and where do you go from there... down. So when the next porn awards rolls around and your not even nominated at least i can sitt there and say that i have steadily increased my amount of nomination, i have just failed to hit my high note yet. And that is fine by me.
Although i do think this will be my year. During the last Awards ( The Gayvn's) I schmoozed with the right people in between all the coke and G I did. I do think i managed to get the right people on my side. Yes, its all politics here in porn also. You gotta suck the right dicks before you get yourself any awards. (JK)
But i guess we will see. Like the last awards, i'm not planning on winning anything, i'm just need to tell myself, i'm going to have a good time and if i win something that will just be a plus.
From Chicago i will be going to Boston for a Manhunt Event. The one that coninsides with those pics that i took not long ago with Joe O. that i had posted on here. I'm not sure what this event will consist of cuz i know i'm not dancing. I will not be 2-stepping, or doing the fucking muscle shuffle or anything like that. So any readers from Boston that just wanna come look at me stand around getting fucked up. Please come by, LOL. I will not dissapoint.
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As far as where i am in life...
I don't know where the fuck i am. Alot of the time I feel like i'm a stanger living in this body. I have been staying in and sticking to myself again. And as much as readers are going to hate this, but i have been hanging out with my ex again. He has been going through some rough times right now and much as you would think that i would be excited over thought of him struggling, i feel like i'm right there with him. I can't help it. My heart just won't dissconnect that easily. Do i think we should be giving it another go at our realtionship again?... right now, No. But am i going to be there for him anyway i can, so he doesnt have to struggle. Yeah, (until my fucking heart gives out).
But besides that, i'm not sure what has been wrong with me. My sex drive has been shit and my social aniexty has been at an all time high. The last time 2 times i tried to go to the movies i could do i cuz i just couldnt bare to be around people and then this weekend i forced myself to go see IronMan. I was kinda happy becasue i sat at the end of the isle, but walking in there i kinda felt like i was going to break out in Hives. (oh and yes, Terrence Howards charater in Ironman is named James Rhodes, weird). I wonder what the Grabbys are gonna be like. I just might freak out.
18 comments:
Hi, James. Good luck at the awards and it is good to hear you interested in something and that you are fighting against your depression. Think about this regarding the awards; The greatest Cinema star who ever lived, she was at the peak of her career in the tearly thirties but she still has millions of fans today, Greta Garbo, never Won an OScar.
I have seen all your movies and you were perfect in all of them.
I believe you are nominated for Ivy league and you deserve to win.
But as you say it is all politics at the awards and from what I have been reading FALCON is not one of the studios that puts up a very aggressive campain to promote its films and actors.
So, if you win you should be twice as proud, if not, you will still be the BEST in the eyes and mind of the thousands of fans you have.
I am just asking you one thing, as a far away friend, try to keep away from drugs and alcohol; I mean NO DRUGS and drink with moderation; do not let the Erik Rhodes badass image take the lead.
beside that, Good luck and a big hug, kiddo.
Bruno
In my opinion, there are too few individuals in the porn industry that set themselves appart from the endless growing crowd.
You are one of them. Why? You look so masculine in every aspect. You are always hot.
A fan,
Erick
http://freeinmerida.blogspirit.com
have you ever considered doing some video blogging?
When i first saw it, I only saw the last name Rhodes and I was like hey thats like Erik Rhodes last name.. then the fucking James came along and I was like ah shit!!
Figured it might put a smile on your face. :)
I liked it, did you?
But I think it is OK to be ambitious. Everyone would be pissed if an award would go some else. It is normal human nature :):)
No Gay Porn Awards? - That sucks pardon the pun! I know that you don't make gay porn and your projects for Falcon a priority on this blog - and I kind of like that - BUT! As a member of the Falcon Studios website for about 5 years now - I know for a fact that the day you made your first video for them, The look and feel of Falcon Studios Changed. Till then it was all about Matthew Rush whom I know and really admire - but the entire NO GAY PORN AWARDS thing smells a little bit like "All About Eve" You were the number two falcon star as soon as you appeared on film - kind of like the new kid on the cock....Then you fucked their biggest superstar in the ass (literally) in Heaven to Hell and it felt like Matthew was kinda dethroned from that minute on.
As a gay webmaster, I can tell you that almost every membership sold - has a lot to do with Erik Rhodes being a part of the site.
Tom Cruise openly campaigns for Academy Awards... SO GIVE 'EM HELL ERIK! - and make sure that those awards cum to you.
As a Gay Porn Star... You Rock! Here's hoping you grab every single grabby that you're nominated for.
PS: I sat in a diner once and told Matthew and Jake Gianelli that one day when the shine on his enormous apple was getting dull - that HE WOULD BOTTOM on screen. He said that there would be NO WAY that would happen.
It did. Guess I must have crystal ball(s) lol. Email me sometime!
Randy
www.QueersTower.com
Hi James -
I understand where you're coming from with the awards. Even if you're ready to get out of the industry, the ego still wants the recognition for what you've done to date. It's ego gratification, pure and simple. And that's not necessarily a bad thing, on it's own. Just stay grounded, so that - if you don't win - you don't feel the need to get fucked up afterwards. That said, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you to win. Yes, it might prove to be vanity in the long run, but it can make you feel good in the moment, and I think you deserve that.
Maybe you didn't win the earlier nominations because your heart wasn't really in what you were doing? It sounds like another rationalization, I know, but consider this: If the Law of Attraction draws to you what you focus on, then bad feelings about the industry might draw a loss to you, so that the bad feelings about the industry are justified and continue.
Have fun at the Manhunt Event, but please try not to get fucked up. You've made a lot of progress away from that kind self-abuse. Respect yourself enough to stay on the new path you're following.
I'm glad you're able to be there for Danny. It proves what I've come to know about you here - you have a big (and good) heart. And, you're aware enough to know that trying to start over with him isn't in the cards right now, which is good. Just make sure that you don't use up all of your energy, strength, etc., on Danny. You're in a place where you need to save some of those things for yourself, too. Be there for him all you can, but keep something aside for your own support, too. You don't want to burn out or have all your energy drained away, even if it happens with the best of intentions.
Could the lack of sex drive be a reflection of how you feel about your career? It is kind of hard to seperate the two, after all. Or, maybe it's that something inside of you is recognizing that there are more important things to focus on right now than sex. Everyone I know has gone through periods like that in their lives...
I know it's easy to say 'Don't worry about being shy' and much harder to do. I am fighting that battle myself with regards to a project I'm undertaking. But, you have people in your life (like your brother) who see what's good in you, and that you do have something to offer. If you have moments when you're having trouble believing in yourself, in social situations, then trust their opinions. I've tried this, and it has helped me through some very anxious times.
Stay strong. You know that you can get through all of this, and if you don't, I do. I wish you a quiet evening at home, with a good movie, and someone to cuddle with.
For once a different type of post, why not?
How did you like Iron Man? On IMDB it has a rating of 8+ and it's in the Top#250.
I went to see it the other day and I must say I can give it only a 7. I will also not buy the DVD (which means the movie is not good enough for me).
What's all the hype?
I still think that Robert Downey Jr. was pretty good, Jeff Bridges was particularly good in playing "the bastard", and Gwyneth Paltrow was a nice surprise. They were all pretty good. And the special effects, good, but I am getting so used to them, that they are not "special" anymore.
The main thing for me was that the script was poor - it didn't grab me. The dialogues were OK, and at times funny, but that's it.
What do you think? did you like it?
Hey you big softee. I'm glad you went to see Ironman, I liked that movie. It's kinda cool, isn't it? I loved the armor sequence.
I really don't think you should be constantly measuring where you are with your personal life, actually it might not be that healthy to constantly stressing yourself. The only thing you have to pay attention to is probably have a fall back plan for your finance. Make sure you have a few bucks in the bank, in case something happens.
Watch the drugs, and good luck at the awards. Win or not, you know you're loved and idolized by many. Who needs some cheap plastic anyway, but good luck.
Good luck, I hope you win something.
I thought there was a feature in blogspot where I could email you privately but there is not (that I know of after looking) so my curiosity is getting the better of me and I'll ask in the public area.
the guy that called you a whore and said that we are all idiots to think you were doing any work besides whoring made me think of a few things.
First, what was the longest duration of time you have ever spent with a client? How much did you charge for that time?
2. What is the strangest request a client has asked of you to do to him or them etc. Did you charge extra?
3. Do clients tip beyond regular payment? If so what is the biggest tip you have ever received (and don't say the tip that was attached to a 12 inch beer can thick cock LOL)
4. What has been the most extreme/weird thing you have allowed a client to do to YOU? What you charge them for it or were you actually into the request and kept your price point the same?
5. Do you have a price point system where you're spending time wth someone but in that time if they want something off the beaten path ie . watersports etc. Do you up the price or its all part of the time spent?
6. Ever get flown out somewhere to meet a client? Where is the farthest place you've been?
7. Naturally I know you can't say names (would be awesome if you did though) but have you ever been hired by any famous celebrities and were they complete freaks! *note, politicians don't count cause they are all closet cases... the republicans anyway.
8. And lastly , you have mentioned before how you got a "new lease on life" after you found out you were HIV negative and mentioned that you did some extreme things that could have gotten you in trouble back when you "didnt' give a shit"
How many differnt guys dropped loads in your ass over a 48 huur period of time?
are these questions rude... yeah
are they no ones business... yeah
but are they interesting? yeah
will they be answered... who knows
If anyone would answer these types of questions though, its definitely you James. If I totally offended you, my bad but I know that you are the most forth coming star out there and you aren't afraid of being honest so hell, I thought I'd give it a shot.
I'm actually really surprised you haven't won any. You definitely deserve awards. Yeah awards might be stupid, but you are one of my favourite porn stars, and definitely one of the hottest. So good luck, but if you don't win, it has nothing to do with you, and just the fact that the industry sucks.
oh please, what could danny possibly be going thru thats so bad? did jodi scratch his eyes out? did kina bitch slap him silly? please....
J -
Just came across your blog online and wanted to send you some love. Your talk about the upcoming awards show brought back fond memories of us being newbie "Trophy Studs" for our first GRABBY Awards appearance several years ago. :) Hope to run into you in Chelsea again sometime soon---it's been way too long!
XXOO,
Fredrick Ford
James: I'll catch you here in Boston, when you do the Manhunt @ EPIC. That is slated for May 31st, and should be a Hopping Night, as the TRUE COLORS Tour will be in town, bringing many queer & queer-friendly performers into town.
Perhaps some of them will make the scene @ EPIC for an After-Party? wouldn't mind hanging w/ the B52s, Cyndi Lauper, The Cliks, etc.
See U There!
Peace, Pleasure,and the Pursuit of Happiness!
D. J. Perez
http://www.myspace.com/djperezma
"In MY House, all acts of Love, Pleasure, and Peace are Welcome!"
So Hitchcock never won an Oscar even though he is one of the greatest directors in film history. Beatrice Straight won supporting actress for 15 seconds in "Network". So you are Hitchcock, not Straight -- just the way it should be.
So, hey jay... I dont know if I've missed the Grabby's or not but I wanna say good luck. All of my friends think your awesome so you have to be "doing it" right lol. I'll keep my fingers crossed kk...
As far as the ex is concerned, all I have to say is DO YOU! Be cautious and watch your back but if he makes you happy bump what everyone else says.
xo kid
Ejames
PS - I said the same thing about James Rhodes
Hey dude,
I've just recently found this blog, but I have been a big fan of yours since i was 18. Just thought I would say hi and congrats on the grabbys, u got them on my birthday. Anyway that's all I have to say (for now). Keep up the good work =]
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