I'm more surprised than you...
You know, its crazy but i am so fucking happy lately. I'm not sure why, i think its a bunch of things.
Thanks to my diet and healthy living i would say that my body is looking the best it has in years. Working out and my body is my obsession yet, I'm never satisfied with the way i look. This is the first time in awhile that i have been able to stop and compliment myself. That is huge for me. Granted i still feel i have a long way to go on the look i wanna accomplish. I'm just happy i am heading in the right direction.
I think the second thing that has me pretty happy is that i am adjusting to the single lifestyle pretty easily. Take yesterday for instance, I had an amazing brunch date with a great guy, worked out and was approached in the gym by a guy i always enjoy looking at for a date, which i agreed to, then later that night i had a great hook up with a strikingly beautiful muscle twink bottom that had my toes curling even after he left. I was fucking glowing. Then later i hung out with friends at a seedy sex/underwear party for shits and giggles. No one there to hold me back, nothing nagging me, no one saying, "James, your a whore for enjoying this". I finally feel like that weight that me tied to the bottom of the ocean has been lifted and I'm finally floating to the surface to breathe again. Not only can i breathe again but i can float whichever way i fucking choose.
Its also kinda funny, that when things started going bad with Danny, i had about 3 kids throwing themselves at me to be my next boyfriend. At the time i was even considering dating one of them out of pure desperation to avoid being alone. But that would just be another mistake and who knows, it could have possibly been another wasted year of my life. I'm okay being alone right now, which is shocking. My pillows have been great snuggle buddies for me. That's all i need is me right now, and its such a great feeling.
I have finally let go. I didn't know that it would be so nice.
Shit worth listeing to...
29 comments:
Compliments and best wishes, James, Finally I think I could see a twinkle in your eyes if I was near you.
better to be alone than in bad company.
And you have realized that, at last. Felicitations.
A big Hug ,kiddo. Bruno
And independence is very attractive in a man... co-dependence is very unattractive.
Sounds like the fear of being alone is evaporating like rain after a storm. It also sounds like you are letting what you think of yourself take precedence over what others may think of you.
Freedom, Fearlessness and Hope are yours to have... lucky duck!
Glad to read you are enjoying yourself! I was curious what sort of routines you did in the gym - maybe some time you could post a few? Or perhaps you've already posted them elsewhere (on your site?) Thanks, James!!!
Erik/James,
I am so glad you are feeling better about yourself emotionally and physically. You deserve it! A part of me is glad also because I hope you continue to escort for awhile. My dream of all dreams is to get to NYC and have the time of my life with you. I am sure that we would have tons of laughs. It must be wonderful to be the dearm of so many! Keep the positive outlook.
Tommy
I don’t know if you are truly happy if I had to guess I would say no. For the most part you seem to be doing the same thing that your pervious post stated that you were having a problem with or didn’t want to do anymore. But hell I don’t know you nor do I want to pretend that I do. But I do know that jumping from one extreme to another is not progress. My advice to you is if you really want to know why you are the way you are and why you do the things you do look towards your childhood. Ideally, the “your” relationship with your mother and father. You are a pretty young guy with a long and deep history of self-destructive behavior. The question you need to ask yourself is “what was missing from your childhood that you are still looking for now... Anyway man I never seen any of your videos and I got to be the only gay man that didn’t know who you were but I came across your blog and figure I would drop u a line.... Anyway take care and wish you well.
Hey James, its fucking great to see you feel like this. after reading all your bloggs , today is the first time i feel like posting a comment. Great for you, james
Jose.
Well that's fucking fantastic!
And now, a little video to commemorate the day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2hyoszso38E
It's good to hear you cheering up.
Funny, isn't it? I am happy for you James-there's nothing like having the weight of the world lifted off your shoulders. Congratulations and continue to allow yourself to float.
You have gotten so famous that an excerpt from your blog was featured in the Wednesday April 9, 2008 issue of the New York Metro. It was under the heading of Blogarithms: A look at the best of of the blogs.
Best Wishes
Why do I always have multiply comment on your blogs? lol. First I just wanna say be careful... enjoy being single because it's a great feeling but dont let it consume you. Have fun, you deserve it.
the second thing I wanted to say is congrats on breaking free. It's one of the hardest things to do. I actually envy you for it. Unfortunately I'm stuck with this closet-case who goes all "Sybil" everytime we get too close ro according to him too gay. I've tried to end it several times but I keep going back because of "love." It's stupid of me and after reading your blog I'm def gunna try harder to walk away, because it's not worth it.
Well thats it, however, however lame it maybe.
hope you have a great beek Jay and i'll hit you up lata kk.
ejames
Im glad to hear you are doing well, when I first read your caption I thought to myself please do not tell me he talked to the ex...and thankfully you did not :))
I remember my last ex who everyone thought walked on water. He was hot and funny and flirty, a great dancer, so nice and giving, knew everyones name and was so popular but behind closed doors he was the opposite! Very selfish and cold, kept to himself and turned out to be a thief. If everyone knew that the life of the party was a huge weight in my life dragging me down and making me feel bad everytime I was alone with him.
When I got the strength to walk away I felt like I could breathe again.
I love your new pictures below your latest post btw..you are looking extremely sexy as usual.
Have a great week!
Tim xoxo
Real growth. Congrats. I'm proud. You should be too. xo L, J.
Enjoy it, buddy, you've fucking earned it. Life can be pretty cool when we stop beating on ourselves and just start enjoying what's out there. Easier than you thought it'd be, isn't it?
that's awesome! it couldn't have happened to a better bloke. it's great to hear that you've gotten this well deserved freedom. you worked hard and more than deserve this freedom and happiness. don't let any bitches take that from you. Good luck and Congrats
I'm so glad to see this post James. It's the small things in life that make you happy whether it be taking the time to recognize your accomplishments from the gym and the diet....to a good brunch date or even a seedy underwear sex party. You're happy man....that's awesome! Keep striving for it. You'll see that when you "do the right thing"...happiness comes more frequently.
The best!
Roger
Oh yeah....as per the post by "passingby"....He's expressing he's happy in his entry and you post a "downer" comment. BLAH BLAH BLAH....spare us the psycho-babble. Just be happy for the kid man.
Congratulations, James -
You deserve it.
Have a good one!
Happiness is a great place to be, without people nagging is a great place to be, and have people throwing themselves at you is a great place to be too. Hopefully they are not crazies.
Wish you the best, and have as much fun as possible before you find it in yourself to settle down and find someone you truly love. Be careful and hope you don't break too many hearts, and be safe.
Hi James,
I figured you must be on a natural high, and pretty happy. I remember you said in a previous post that when you find happiness you probably won't be writing as much, or something to that effect. I have to say, as captivating and intriguing as your writing (blog) is, I'm glad that you aren't writing as much, it means you are in a good place, or aleast I hope you are. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to catch up on things with you on a daily basis, but I (and I'll go so far as to say atleast 95% of the readers on this blog) would prefer you to find that true happiness, and contentment you truly have been searching for. I really hope this path leads you to a future place in your life where you feel completely comfortable with yourself, your choices, and your surroundings etc. Don't forget only you make yourself happy, no one else. Maybe being alone you are discovering a whole new respect for yourself, and a whole new strength you didn't realize you possessed. All the best James!
T.
"T", your post wrapped up exactly how I feel. I hope I don't come across as a crazy poster....posting 3 comments on the same day but....I have to give you props.....kudos!
Jimmy,
That's great that you're still working on your physique. You should also working on yourself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Consider taking up a class, meditate, or spending some time in nature. The externals are great just remember to fix the core and roots of yourself.
G.W.
If you ever feel somewhat down or depressed again, remember to just try to stay doing well and wait for it to pass. Don't let it send your whole overall improvement to pot. It's normal to go up and down, up and down, a bit.
fuckin aaaaaaaaaaaaaa, baby!
you deserve to be happy
That kicks ass! It's nice being in charge of yourself, isn't it?
I'm really happy for you man. It sounds like you're finding the boyfriend inside yourself. I read a book once, and it talked about finding a way to love yourself for who you are before you can love someone else and feel right about it...sounds like you're on the right treack man. :) Keep it up!
Good to hear, man. Having a break from relationships is good - it's hard enough to keep yourself in prime condition, having to worry about someone else's bullshit only makes things worse.
James, you're a whore for enjoying that. No, I'm kidding, of course!
It's great that you're starting to feel so good about and you are definitely living up the single life like you ought to be.
PS I'm jealous of your great sex.
Post a Comment