Well the movie is over...
First off let me just say that i am dissapointed with Falcon and not checking over its models before they get the okay to work. (Without giving names) I had to work with a model i can only refer to as "stink dick" who's pics in the casting book seemed very promising. Well "stink dick" was nothing like what his pics offered. Kinda like a bad hook up off Manhunt (which i'm only using as a refernece and i dont have) he had shark teeth and one of the smallest ugliest and worst smelling dicks i hve ever come into contact with in my whole career in porn. Besides that he had one of those, "i just got to know you and i think we are best friends" personalities that i can barely stand to be around for about 10 mins before i start picturing ways of brutally killing you in my head.
But being a professional that i am, i just went along for the disgusting ride as long as i could before i felt like i was going to throw up. I did my best to give him a phantom blowjob during the oral part of the scene, but when the diretor started talking about rimming his ass i put my fucking foot down. I took the director aside and told him about the stink coming off this dudes cut 4 inch killer and said "Listen, if he has bad hygene in the front, you for goddamn sure know he is clueless about the backside. I will not go anywhere near it." I got my way.
Thankfully, the scene was a three way and there was a great big black dick there to have me occupy the rest of my time in the scene with. "Stink Dick" basiclly played the backround for the rest of the scene while me and the other model enjoyed each other.
But i guess the joke is on me and the other model, cuz "stink dick" still got paid. Maybe thats what i should do next movie. Just show up gross enough to make other models sick enough to throw up and still get paid at the end of the day. Maybe "Stink Dick" found a way to beat the system. HHHHHMMMMMMMMMM, joke is really on me.
Moving on....
I'm now free in LA to go crazy. I really could have really used a drink after working with "Stink Dick" but i had another scene the very next day so i had to be good. Tonight i will be going fucking nuts and each drink i will cheers to complete strangers will be deticated to that ugly penis.
But off the topic of ugly dick, I kinda like being in LA: the state with no soul. This is the land of make believe, where everyone can pretend to be much more important than the really are. And the everyone else.... a bunch of hopefull others with so many stars in there eyes that they are blinded to see that its just not gonna happen the way they imagined in there dreams. This is place is filled with so many miserable and dylusional people that i feel right at home. Except that in New York, i dont waste 15 percent of my life sitting in traffic. Its just nice to know that when i go out tonight, i can be fake as shit and know that anyone i am talking to is being just as fake as me. I dont have to feel bad about anything.
It remind me of this one time, i was here in LA and i hooked up with this guy. Kinda. I brought him back to my hotel and i passed out on him. I guess about an hour later i woke up and he was in the middle of fucking me. I was to trashed to care and just went right back to sleep. When i woke up that morning, i basically thought it was all a dream until, i found a note from him saying what a great time he had and hoped we could do it again sometime. No one cares here in LA, its just a souless creature that is always just looking for the perfect oppertunity. I could never live like these people, but at the same time it will be fun to not care for awhile.
Moving on....
I am starting to think my brother is crazy. Maybe not crazy but fucking brainwashed. He has been preaching to me about positive thinking. He has thrown a couple movies in my face that he is urging me to watch. One called "What the Bleep do we know" and the other being "The Secret". This is totally out of left field for my brother to be saying. But at the same time its something i think i should watch to help with my depression. He says it has totally helped him and i know he isn't just throwning bullshit at me since he is my best friend and brother. I am just very skeptical. Like very who talks to me says... "damn your glass of water is always half empty", in which my reply is "yes half empty and has a crack along the side that is leaking". I also can't help to think an Oprah book is not going to help me.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
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39 comments:
See you tonight at Eleven!
professional is one thing, masochist is another. Yuck, how can they allow that? Poor you.
The thing is Erik, you really don't want to be fake. You're lucky all that trick did was fuck you. Smarten up, before you wake up sick or dead.
I'm often very skeptical about things like The Secret as well. But if your brother tried it and worked for him, you never know... Give it a chance, maybe it'll change you point of view for good.
Good thing, you're professional. The joke is hardly on you, since you enjoyed yourself with the other dude. And even if you're gross and smelly, I'm sure your scene partners will still be crazy about you. (You're THAT hot!) :)
missed the part about your brother's comments...I agree with you about the Oprah book and movies and it seems that you're coping with your depression or am I mistaken?
Stinky Dick may have gotten paid, and I've encountered other people like him in different professions who don't really care and who are in it just to get paid and I've never quite understood how they get by.
The thing with What The Bleep and The Secret is that yes, there's truth in there, but its more involved than what they make it out to be. It requires effort and honesty -- just repeating "Everything in my life is wonderful" in your head when every fiber of your being is shouting, "I fucking hate my life" won't get the job done. Its really a process of learning to find things to feel good about instead of finding reasons to complain. That would pretty much be the end of your blog as we know it. ;)
I hope the guy that fucked you in your sleep took the time too use a condom
Hi from Greece!
These two books are basically crap , however they make a useful point>> it's not the events but our interpretation of the events in our lives that determine our feelings. I think that if you tried to judge your way of thinking you could notice the tunnel vision, overgeneralisations or black and white thinking that can easily wreak havoc in our lives..I've been there but not anymore. I know it might sound weird but happiness and discipline are skills..like a muscle... you can train them. Everything is in the mind so why not train your mind to be as strong as your body? Real strength is being stronger than cravings fears or anger..why don't you try to exercise them? thing of the benefits...Anyway I don't Know if you will even read this message...ok Just three of best books on depression I've read that you might like Depression (ROWE), 7 tools to beat addiction (STANTON PEELE) (he is against the 12 steps), CONSUMED (Barber)
You are not alone :-)
Kostas
I've known some really nice people in Los Angeles, though. A lot of dipshits, of course, but.....you get that in Manhattan too. Dorks who've moved there because they think it makes them more glamourpuss now or something. But there are some cool people. (A dirty dick, and then a black one? You better be damn careful about staying HIV negative, man).
wow Ugly dick, i had one of those hook ups, wtf is wrong with some people, its called soap.
maybe u should check out the books ur bro is talking about just dont join scientoligy.
peace broo
Stick dick, that is just nasty...esp. in a place where they "try" to be as "professional" as they can be.
Ghurl, don't you dis Oprah.. mmm-k!
Hey Erik
That was hilarious. You must tell us when the movie comes out so we can work out who 'Stink Dick' is. Just as well they don't have 'Smellovision' like they did in the 70s. I really hope that no-one I ever slept with ever came up for such an evil name for me or my genitalia.
Evil Erika rules!!
Enjoy the rest of LA and take care..
S x
dear erik.
after reading your blog, i have a few things to say.
first of all, a) you do what you do well and it has gotten you places. is that not something to be proud of in itself? You've succeeded in something, a lot of people don't even achieve that in their lifetimes.
b) you create the happiness in your life. i don't care if you think this is bullshit, or complete useless crap but what YOU have complete control over your happiness. it's true, and it is so much easier to be happy than it is to be angry or sad all the time. being happy takes much less effort than the alternative. so buck up, kiddo! a bright future awaits, you just have to want it.
c) "We are what we think. With our thoughts, we make the world."
-Buddha
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
Ghandi
if you need a lifestyle change, the only that change things is you. take control! it's YOUR life, live it! don't let other people decide it for you, go out and live the life you want. you only have one life, how are you going to remember it? and how are others going to remember you for it? you're a wonderful person, never forget that human potential is the greatest thing.
erik, if want to respond please feel free.
daym_grl_21@hotmail.com
I can totally picture you talking about it Erik.
ps. hopefully i'm not like you bro brainwashing you with positive thinking :P
have fun
"stink dick" spotting in west hollywood.
I left the hotel location where i was staying to move over to west hollywood or what i like to call the "belly of the beast", i checked into my new hotel (which is a fucking dump/ fucking bathhouse rip off ). I drop my things off and head over to the gym and who is sitting right outside my hotel, but fucking "stink dick". After the scene was over i did not say one word to the kid and here he was, completely unavoidable, i did some small talk and ran away. I'm sure it will be awhile before someone figures out who he is and tells him i have been talking shit about him. By then i'll be back in nyc i'm sure.
Oh well, when he figures it out, FUCK YOU STINK DICK, clean that shit or cut it the fuck off. i dont care. Just please dont tramatize any other models with that disgusting thing. PLEASE!
Yeah I know all about "the secret" the whole premise is the secret to wealth, happiness and love well I'll give you the quick version.
The secret is ... writing a book and making a crappy video that basically says "think positive dipshit" then get 50 million idiots to buy it. So there is the wealth part... next make sure to use that money to buy happiness and then since you are ultra successful it will be wayyyyy easier to find love.
TA DA! the secret in 100 words or less.
but shit I'm a miserable bastard so what do I know, maybe that crap works?
Hilarious! I'm sorry, but isn't that always the way? You'll be running into him plenty, I'm sure. You're not talking shit, just telling the truth. In 2008, a dirty dick is just disgusting-imagine what his house must be like.
Just take a look at the tapes that your bro gave you. It can't hurt to watch them, and it'll take up a couple hours of otherwise do-nothing time. You can always ignore what they say, but at least you'll have watched them for your bro.
I would tend to take a more zen like view of questionable inspirational material... one never knows what the catalyst will be that brings that thunderclap of enlightenment.
Is an epiphany any less life changing because it was precipitated by a cheesy Oprah book?
dude, I watched a crazy video about drugs affecting the brain and it was all MRI scans. pretty cool, I was needled up in acu and kinda stoned but I'm glad I watched it. The more you know!
acu = acupuncture, not some drug induced state.. fyi.
Maybe you should just pull "Stink Dick" aside and tell him about that problem. It will make him aware of the problem and do the world some good.
I think Erik doesn't want to be called a "diva" or "rude" for pulling stink dick and tells him "you stink". Even I wouldn't say it in person, hopefully he have the "decency" to realize his own problem
this guy Erik is such a bitch..
Well maybe he can't help it dealing with depression and all.
Erik,
Please contact me about a feature in my magazine. I think you will be interested in talking with me.
I would love to do a cover story on you.
beautifulmagazine@comcast.net
its physics babe.
u git what u give.
we are what we have thought.
them books/tapes can be most nourishing when ur head is in the proper zone.
just remember:
ur right where ur sposed to be.
all is well in ur world.
float with the motion , dont stress.
bend, like da willow.
Well, how are things looking heading into the weekend? I have to tell you I've been laughing outloud at some of the 'stink dick' shit you've been posting. Hope you've been able to keep your distance from him while away from the set...you could almost smell him just by reading your post. I look forward to reading about the rest of your LA adventure. Later.
LOL! I always like to say, "The glass isn't half empty or half full. It's just fucking half. Let's get real."
The Secret is pretty elementary when it comes to basic spirituality and it is a little trite and hokey. But...
The bottom line is, if you don't believe something for yourself or you don't see a bright future for yourself... you're never going to get it. Sort of like in relationships, where if you don't love yourself, why would anyone else? It starts with your perspective and if your perspective is negative, cool then things will just stay negative. It's kinda common sense more than spirituality.
How long are you in town? I am sick in bed with bronchitis. Should be better by Sunday.
Fascinating.
For some reason, I always thought it was always a given that people in porn would know to show up for work absolutely clean. Wotta I know.
Yeah, sounds like your getting comfy in the land of make believe.. good luck stud. And personally, I think "the secret" movie is a load of BS. "putting out Good energy into the world lets good energy come back to you" is crap, if that were true then if you were at the gym everyday "expelling good energy" then your life would be perfect! And obviously, gym goers lives are not perfect. Oh, and btw, I also have a twin brother, and he is also straight.., but he is so fucking unhappy. oh well. Be good and it never hurts to help or think about helping others every now and then.
"The Secret" is actually pretty good. Other movies that will change your life are "The Rapture" and "Genghis Blues" and "Ikiru". They will shock you mind into another dimension and put your problems in perspective.
OOOOOOH! What are you and William up to @ 11?
You don't seem like a very patient, tolerant... just all around nice guy.
It's become more weird to me how you talk about depression -- being depressed -- but you don't like advice, do you?
You should have at least told the guy he had a stink dick, instead of going behind his back. That was a really feminine thing to do. Be bold, if you say you're bold. Be a man, since you say you are! Don't blog about how "bad-assed" you are and then wimp out.
You do know that guy raped you, right?
At least they stopped jumping on your case on the I Probably Hate You blog, Eric. They've switched to those more deserving of contempt (like that Bill In Exile blog guy).
Brian's not trying: I was wimping out as much as i was just trying to make my scene run smoother. If i made it a huge issues as we are in the middle of shooting, who know if his level of discomfort would lead him to not perform, get hard, shoot his load or anything else that could have made the scene last alot longer. I'm sorry, but i dont wanna be filming porn any longer than i have to. To be completely honest, its not my job to talk to my scene partners about self hygene, i thought it would never be an issue, unfortantley it is. But i have made myself clear to falcon that this shit better not happen to me again and that they better take all the nessassary precautions to make sure it doesnt.
I have to visit LA over the summer for the first time. After reading your blog, I'm able to learn a little bit more about this city.
I so had a "stink dick" the other day and it just made me realize that sex is gross! Except when it's with a really hot guy with a huge cock, then it's great.
oh my gosh...it's really so condradicting when i read the erik blog,where he just comes off pompous and say what's on his mind...then when he gats taken to task for it,he mellows into puppy mode and explains himself...this shit is so funny.
sad,because it's a real-life person fucking his life up like that,yet funny when he tries to match up his personality to his bulky frame.
for someone who hates "queens",eh better step his game up because he's fast turning into one.
I just stumbled onto your blog via Derek & Romaine, though I've seen your porn and heard you on the show. Who knew so much was going on behind that adonis fleshy surface? You're a surprisingly interesting, down to earth guy.
Anyhow, for what it's worth, "What the bleep" was actually pretty enjoyable. It's a dumbed down lesson on quantum physics. I thought the film was really quite well put together, since I knew most of the stuff before hand, yet it was put together in a fashion the everyday Joe could understand it. Where it failed to compel me and lost my attention is in the last 10 minutes of the film when they get into the details of what people believe "God" is. After that moment, I pretty much just heard "blah, blah, blah" until the film was over, detracting from an otherwise film that's great to see. "The Secret," on the other hand, doesn't even pretend to be an educational film, but starts like an informercial. I couldn't get through the first 10 minutes before I just had to shut that shit off. I believe both films are put out there by the Church of Scientology, but don't let that stop you from watching What the Bleep. The Secret, on the other hand, I can whole-heartedly recommend against wasting your time on.
Apparently "Stink Dick" had to change his porn name. He now goes by a new name on new projects.
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