Last night was my breaking point and an eye opener...

So after writing yesterdays blog i was kinda in a good mood, well i guess better for getting things off my chest, and when my bf came home, he was kinda in a good mood. So i was content... until about 2am when i get woken from my sleep by my bf punching me, freaking out.
Apprentley he watched a preview from my new movie and was upset i bottomed in it, when he thought i didnt.
To make a long story short, a bunch of picture were smashed (not by me), a couple bloody lips, i think my foot is broken (i'm clueless to how that happened) and the good old cops were called.
Thanks to that, i had to throw away hundreds of dollars worth of "sports medicine", because my loving bf said he was gonna rat me out and have me sent away.
So due my bf's amazing acting skills playing the battered house wife roll, 6 of nyc's finest showed up only to find me looking like pure white trash, shirtless and all disheveled from just being woken up, with a busted lip and bloody hand. Since i'm about three times the size of what was once my better half, of course i am instantly the bad guy. I am asked to leave. As i walk past my bf in the hallway, where the cops have taken him away from me, he is curled up, in the corner kinda like when your dog take a piss in the house and you yell at it and it hides with its tail between its legs, all afraid. That was him, totally milking it for the cops.
Ya know, i understand breaking up, i have done it plenty of times, but never in my life would i try to have the person i loved for over a year arrested. Never! But my bf the naive, mommas boy, piece of shit he is, doesnt understand, that after the cops are called and you say there is drugs in the house, you cant go back and say, i was kidding. When i'm locked up, you cant go back and say, i'm sorry, please let him go. He doesnt understand what jail is like, he doesnt understand how long and drawn out the legal process can be, he doesnt understand the amount of money that gets wasted in the process. He doesnt understand, probation and the officers who are upset they never became real cops so they treat everyone like shit, and i not afraid to say it that being white, you get treated worse. Why you ask... cuz you are made into the example. I'm sorry but i wouldnt wish that on anyone i loved. Why not just break up like normal people.

The funniest part about this is being back in the house now and listening to him explain what happened to friends and hear how he twists it all around saying that i attacked him cuz he was upset over the movie i did. Doesnt that sound crazy? He also likes to fall back on ,that i was "roid raging". Its pathetic and low, but people believe it. Then we start urging, about the fact he is lying to friends and he honestly believes his story. Like i wasnt there, and it wasnt happening to me. Its deranged or is it me? This kid has done this to me so many times now, i fucking question myself. Like maybe it is me, maybe i blackout and do all this crazy shit. I doubt it, i've questioned myself.

But thats it... i was up in the air about my relationship yesterday but this incident has solidified my choice to leave him and start over. I hate the thought but i cant do this anymore. Its unhealthy and its insane. There was a split second last night where i felt like i could sympathize with Chris Benoit, just kill my bf, kill my dog and kill myself and possibly get split second of satisfaction and relief. Then disappear.... not this time thou, maybe the next bf.


Quote for this blog:

And when the con was over, one thing I learned: I think you'd be better off if you were dead. ~Richard Patrick