Monday, December 20, 2010

My blog is moving...

Check out the new one... not done by a long shot... just seems to have more options...

Monday, November 15, 2010

Attitude Magazine

Monday, October 18, 2010

Oh God...

I don't know how someone can be so exhausted from doing nothing. It seems like my boyfriend and I have make excuses to go out and get tanked on pills... Tuesday night... high on pills, out till 4am. Then basically the rest of the week. I'm not sure how we make it home most nights. I tend to only remember the parts where i have force myself to snap out of letting the pills steal my soul. The part where you just feel like your sinking... and if you don't snap yourself out of it you would just melt away into the floor. I find that i have this problem mostly while driving home. No one seems to notice. i lie to myself that its not a problem and its not. I just wonder when I'm gonna think I'm sleeping and i really drive the car into a ditch? I always pictured myself dying in a car or plane crash. hmmm?
Saturday night i was in the bathroom, washing my face as this ugly NYC pigeon watched me sitting on top of the toilet, i briefly spoke to it, a quick " what are you looking at" and then i turned away... it seemed very normal. This is seconds before puking my brains out. Well not really it was more of a ... "just puke and keep it moving" kinda thing. My Bf must have been mortified when i got up off the ground took a shit and then alternated right back into puking... very classic and classy if i don't say so myself. Anyways, i think its kinda fun to add to my list of vivid hallucinations. This one was just as good as that time a saw a glowing neon blue Amanda lepore screaming at me. That was terrifying.
Halloween just passed and it was pretty uneventful. I'm not sure what constitutes a good time anymore cause i know, whatever time I'm having surely isn't. Was it more fun to be a drunk? Is that why everyone looks at me strange when all i do is order nonstop redbulls? I think they even secretly think to themselves "this place would be unbearable sober". There was a time Halloween was everything to me. Now it just seemed like a headache. This year i really wanted to hide behind a mask... i guess the bloody tank top was a bad idea...
anyways, On a regular basis... Random people tend to scream out "Jersey Shore" at me and my BF when ever we go out. Halloween was no different. Even dressed in bloody tank top and mask we were still called "jersey Shore" by some Stumpy fat little cunt as we left the bar. So stating the obvious I called her "snooki" and said "why don't you go spit out a few more kids with those fat child baring hips" which seemed to hit close to home since she ran up to me to spit in my face. But like any dumb bitch, she really didn't know how to spit and ended up basically spitting on herself.
My Boyfriend seeing this, sent him into a typically frenzy, which i never quite understand. I'm not sure after all this time together why he doesn't think i can handle myself from a little fat stumpy twat. Anyways he attempts to spit back at this bitch which makes me have to hold him back to avoid a drunken brawls from all the onlookers that might think "this guy just spit in that girls face, lets go fuck him up".
Granted i always welcome a fight but i know when the odds don't look right to walk away from a losing battle. Anyways as I'm hold my bf back, this is when "stumpy" see the opportunity to punch me in the back of my head 3 times... which is when all hell breaks loose.
My friends GF goes after "stumpy" and then is jumped by 4 of "stumpys" friends. My other friend is trying to help his GF by pulling girls off, when this (best way to describe him) "Diesel Washington" type punk throws my friends off the bitches beating on his girl. This when i stop holding my BF back and have to get in "Diesels" face who wants no part of the fight anymore since he had someone his size in his face.
Finally the cops come and thanks to a friend they were on my side for once. "Diesel Washington" disappeared into the crowd and typically in this situation i would be viewed as the bad guy. No clue why...
Thankfully I got to laughed to myself as the cop pretended that the fake blood on my face was part of the assault by "stumpy". She, of course is crying as they are considering arresting her saying to them and pleading to me not to press charges saying "but its my birthday". OOOOOOkay you dumb bitch.
I couldn't careless to waste anymore time on the whole thing and there was no way i going to the precinct to press charges.To many cops around me makes me uncomfortable. I just made a deal with the cops to waste her time, give her a summons, put her through the system and let her go in the typical 5 or 6 hours it takes for the to process the whole thing.
In Retrospect... its great i don't drink anymore or that bitch's face would look like Sloppy Joe and I'd be in jail again.
Oh, and it was nice to have a friend stick up for me... a girl, which i really don't have any of, and until this night, didn't think she cared enough for me to defend me... well let me say this... if I'm not to carefree and passive from being tanked on pills, i promise... i have your back.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I'm not at the end...

I woke up out of my sleep last night with a memory in my head about my past... one of the last nights i was out in the city, single before my current relationship. I could remember walking around this club thinking to myself..."I am officially one of those creepy guys". I wasn't there to dance and enjoy the music, i wasn't there to drink and be with friends. I was just there to not feel so dead. Stalking around this place hopefully to have some sort of human contact, probably with someone i wasn't worthy of speaking with in the first place, because god knows when I'm not selling my bullshit Erik Rhodes persona i can be very awkward and withdrawn...
anyways... i just woke up with that feeling of being utterly i'm going nowhere.
Maybe its partially due to the fact that I'm obsessed with Farmville now and i seem to get such great joy in waiting for my online farm to grow. I just hit level 12 this morning and was able to buy a tractor. The smile on my face couldn't get much bigger... all for about a second. I quickly Im'ed my brother to express my happiness when he brought me back down to reality saying... "please James, tell me your kidding..." I got up, walked away from my computer and thought about it for a second and realized... i refuse to allow this to be happiness for me.
As i stuff my face with S'mores Cereal (which was my big excitement yesterday when i found them in Walmart) and I finished tending my farm... I am promising myself a change. I mean i think I've come a long way from the beginning of this blog till now and i feel like I'm heading in the right direction but i just need to push myself harder and not fall into this pathetic state of content. Because seriously isn't sitting in front the computer playing Farmville a form of being dead?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Throw up in a garbage bag...

As promised...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

You wanna get deep on this shit...what all those Catholic Scholars say...
Everything we do depends on free choice, but they say at the same time, that we need the grace of God to do whats right.
Now follow that...
If I do something wrong its because God did not give me the grace to do whats right.

If this world stinks... its his fault.

I am only working with what I been given.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
I'm ashamed of nothing. I didn't make the world.

Well your not doing anything to make it better...
Yeah and I'll roast in Hell.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Oh god... pictured out at a gay beach circuit party? Be Prepared... The Apocalypse is coming